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Fading Away

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by J…..

I received a text from a young man who had worked on one of my teams for over five years asking me if I had a few minutes to discuss a potential job opportunity that he was entertaining.  I replied immediately that I was available to talk…my last day on the job was December 31, 2019, and I have plenty of free time to spare some of it for him.

After analyzing the job offer and how it would fit into his plans for both his career and his life, he came to the conclusion that the position could help his career but jeopardize his time-off activities.  He enjoys numerous outside interests that would be seriously hampered because he would have to relocate from San Francisco to Manhattan. He also would have to start over in the “meeting new people department” in order to develop local friendships.  

Our conversation flowed easily for almost an hour until he asked me a simple question. “What have you been doing since relocating to Florida nine months ago?”

He knew me when most of the hours of my day were filled with activities.  My position in the company was demanding and extremely interesting.  My husband and I traveled extensively and brought back stories from all over the world.  We had temporarily relocated from Marin to Washington, DC for my job and the temporarily part stretched from a couple of years to almost seven.

For a split second, I was embarrassed.  I reached deep into my brain to come up with what I had been doing for nine months that would sound interesting and exciting.  I felt like “the me” that we both knew was fading away.

I did remember to tell him that I was working on a major home renovation project, have enrolled in a French class at our local university (free because of my age!) and joined Nicole’s writing project.  

The bigger unshared realization is that it is not just COVID that has caused a stall in my life and in my response.  I recognize that I am the one starting over again, making new friends and learning new skills in a new place. 

It is my millennial moment. I need time to figure out what that means at age 68. Perhaps I should call him for an hour of his advice.

J
October, early

3 thoughts on “Fading Away”

  1. nicole says:
    at

    J,
    It is strange how during this time, I can’t really account for my time. Or rather, the time spent doing things seems so much longer and shorter than it really is. Good luck in rediscovering yourself. I have complete faith in you.

  2. Ellen Gilbert says:
    at

    At 78, it’s been a time For me to take stock. This experience is a learning one for us all and I truly empathize with your Realizations. So glad you shared your thoughts.

  3. Anonymous says:
    at

    carol F…thank you so much for this! Since i I have lost my husband, and then moved temporarily (which has become longer and longer)from the familiarity of a retirement community to a series of rental homes and new towns, I share your struggles. From “starting over” to shaping an entirely unexpected new life, and what does that mean and who am I still during all of this… I really appreciate your honesty with this struggle. We should talk!

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the grid, the graph

Bring Now

Whatever Happens In Science Happens In The Body

Buckaroo and Wiley Too

Hope for The World

Love comes in many forms

Weary

De-Stress

The Visitor

Love Again and Always

A list of unlikely discoveries (some ongoing):

Bits and Pieces

Fading Away

Thank You

My COVID PostSecret’s

The Witness Protection House

The abecedarian

This Old House

Jungle

Reality Bending

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