by suzy…..
Something to know about me as we embark on this writing idea is that I am not a writer. I am a nurse. But I think my thoughts about how the pandemic has impacted me are worth documenting/writing about/sharing. I have thought about doing this throughout the past 6 months, but like I said, I am not a writer. So, thank you Nicole for giving me a reason. 🙂
As I sit looking across the Fraser Valley at Byers Peak, I think about how so many things are still the same (like the peace I feel being in the Colorado Rocky Mountains) and how many things are starkly different.
New life…My first grandchild was born near the end of January. I was blessed to be at the hospital when he was born and to be at home with his family during his first 4-6 weeks of life. I got to hold him and hug him and kiss him and comfort him and let his mama sleep.
I was following the news of the pandemic across the world. Then it started to arrive in the United States-especially in New York. Then COVID arrived in Colorado and by mid-March, I wasn’t able to travel to the mountains any more, my job was turned upside down when all elective surgeries were cancelled, and worst of all, I was no longer able to see my grandson or my daughter and son-on-law. You see, I work in a hospital and my daughter, who was already a worrier about germs, would not let me come to their home since I was still working.
Old life…. My sister and I decided we could no longer go to my elderly parents’ home except to drop off groceries (outside only and wiped down with Clorox wipes). Concerts were canceled. Vacations were cancelled. I started a major house renovation (I’ll save that for another writing…) so I wasn’t even living in my own home.
The few things that remained the same during COVID were listening to music, watching TV and hanging out with my boyfriend and one other couple consistently. That was it. Everything else changed.
The differences were the hardest at times. Since I couldn’t see my grandson, I had to rely on FaceTime. I was so glad my daughter was aware of my pain enough to FaceTime me frequently. I hope she knows how much that meant to me. As wonderful as it was, it was also so very sad because I was not able to hold him and love on him and help my daughter during this exhausting time of being a new mama. I will never get that time back. The first time I could see him in person was on Mother’s Day, May 10th. I drove to her place and she brought him outside and I got to touch his head. I didn’t get to hold him, or kiss him, or touch his tiny hands/feet. But I did get to touch his head.
We continued frequent FaceTime, which was great. I still had not come up with a name for him to call me when he started talking (absolutely didn’t want to go with GRANDMA because my mom was grandma and she is old, but I am not haha). When we were in Europe last fall, I was looking up German and Bohemian names for grandmother, but neither my daughter nor I liked any of them. As the pandemic wore one and FaceTime continued, my boyfriend suggested BoxMa…because my grandson only knew me in the box on the phone screen. Seemed like an appropriate pandemic name that had a bohemian feel to it. Win-Win!
Before COVID, I had decided to give up a clinical day at work and committed to 2 days a week of daycare once my daughter returned to work. My 2 day a week daycare was postponed indefinitely. My job changed every week, and my daughter and son-in-law’s jobs changed drastically from pre-COVID. I finally got to start to babysit one day a week the middle of June. I couldn’t believe how wonderful it was to hold and love on that little baby! Tears of joy from his BoxMa, finally!
And fast-forward to Labor Day weekend – 6 months into this crazy new life.
Old life…I see my parents more frequently, but with a mask on always, outside, and no hugs/touching as we stay at least 6 feet part. I went to Iowa to visit my 95-year-old aunt and was told by my cousin I would have to take a ladder and stand at her window to see her. That is how they can see their mom in a nursing home. So, I borrowed a ladder and showed up expecting to talk on a phone through a window on a ladder to her second story room. I think the staff may have taken pity on me, and they brought her in a wheelchair to the front door to see me. Surreal to have to see her through glass doors and only be able to talk on the phone. No combing her hair, no sitting on her bed next to her and looking through her treasured photo books, no sneaking a bite of her favorite sweet treat to her, no holding her hand and no goodbye hug or kiss. Heartbreaking, since this is might have been the last time I would see her. There have been many times I have wondered about quality of life vs. quantity for our elderly during this pandemic. I’ll save those thoughts for another writing….